My Pitiful Excuse for a Self Insertion Fanfic
by SevSenesca
Summary: Who da Thunk it?(thanks to Shadow for that line) I'm doing a SI fic, whats next, me helping Sailor Moon? I thinks thats stretching it a bit. Anyhoo, I answer to big ?'s 1) What would happen if I were with Ash from the beginning. 2) what would happen if GS


My Pitiful Excuse for a Self Insertion Fanfic  
Usagihunter101  
  
Disclaimer: Will wonders never cease? I am actually doing a self-insertion fic, the kind I usually try to ridicule. Well I guess this is the product of an hyperactive imagination and alot of Dew and Reese's. Anyhoo, I do not own Pokemon, that honor belngs to Nintendo, and Creatures, and God-Knows-how-many other people. I am not making any money off of this, nor do I intend to. So sit back, relax, enjoy the fic, and don't sue.   
  
Note: Oh yeah, i have decided to put the G/S/C monsters in this one even thoughthey didn't exist when Ash started out. If you don't like it, tough, i want a Gligar in the first five episodes and nobodies going to stop me!!!  
  
Well enough gab, more fic. On with the show!!!  
  
  
  
Episode 1.  
The Start of a Journey  
  
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....................  
John awoke groggily at the sound of the alarm. Regaining his senses from a dream that had involved him, a Moltres and Masterball, he hit the snooze button and sleepily sat up and put his feet on the floor.   
Half walking, half tripping down the stairs he walked into the kitchen where the pleasant aroma of eggs, pancakes and bacon caught his nose.  
"A big breakfast for my little pokemon master," said his mother  
With these words his brain was kicked from sleep into reality, today he'd be getting his first pokemon from Professor Oak. He still hadn't decided which of the three pokemon he would get.  
The grass type Bulbasaur, with its Vine Whip and deadly Razor Leaf attacks.  
The fire type Charmander, with its Ember and Flamethrower attacks that could melt boulders in seconds.  
The water type Squirtle, with its hard, impenatrable shell and water-powered tackle attacks.  
He had done alot of research on each of the differant gym leaders types and weaknesses. but all of them seemed rather even matched.   
John decided to cross that bridge when he came to it and chowed down his breakfast.  
  
The sun had already cleared the Onix Mountains when he left for Profesor Oaks.  
He had his supplies packed, his Sony PokeGear, which served as a watch, mobile phone radio and pokedex. His extra food and two bottles of water, a couple of comics and his rain gear.  
He had his special belt with electro-magnets where Pokeballs could be kept and his pokemon field guide, Johto and Kanto Edition.(c. 2000, Golden Noctowl Press)  
He could already see the Professor's lab/house and from that house came his grandson, Gary. John didn't care for Gary all that much, he thought of him as a Arrogent, over-confident preppy. His usuale gaggle of cheerleaders followed him around yelling over-used and slightly tweaked football cheers.  
"Yeah, Gary he's our man, if he can't do it no one can! Yay Gary!"  
John roled his eyes at the lame cheer.  
Then the snobbish boy spoke to John.  
"Well, John, I see you've come ready to lose," he taunted.  
"So, I'm guessing that from the number of your cheerleaders, that you must be seriously under-confident, Gary. Well I guess when you have the honor of losing to me at the Pokemon league should help you a bit," John retorted.  
Gary grunted something about how he'd never be beaten by a weakling, but John was already down the road at Prof. Oaks house.  
  
The door was open so he just walked in. He was half-way down the main corridor when he was knocked down by something moving at an extraordinary speed.  
"SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!"  
In a flash the Scyther was over him bringing up its scythe-like blades for the killing blow.  
"Scyther! Return!" With a flash of red light the bug pokemon returned to its ball, "I'm so sorry John, he was just captured and isn't yet used to having humans travel his territory freely. Are you Okay?"  
Getting back on his feet John replied, "Fine, just let this heart attack subside."  
"Well, I am assuming that you came here for your first pokemon. Please follow me to the lab."  
They walked down the hallway and then turned into a room that had shelves upon shelves of pokeballs. In one corner lay a dusty old healing machine along with a messy desk and a computer.   
But the middle of the room held John's attention. One a pedastal, surrounded by glass were three red and white pokeballs. They sat in dimples in the table, there was a circle around them divided into three thirds, red, blue and green.  
Looking at each one in turn he had to remember his research, Bulbasaur would be good against the first two badges, but was only mediocre against the rest.   
Squirtle would be good only against the first badge, but wouldn't do well against any of them exceot for maybe Blaines fire-types, besides, water types were the most comman type of pokemon.  
Then he looked at Charmander, it was probably the most powerful of the three, and although fire types wouldn't do that well against the first two leaders, it would be easy sailing for the rest of the way up to the League.  
And so it was divided, he would pick Charmander. With a nod he picked up the pokemon in the red area of the platform.  
"Oh, so you've chosen Charmander, excellent choice! Heres your Pokedex and some pokeballs to catch pokemon with. And good luck!"  
As John left the room Gary entered, and as he left he heard a bit of the conversation between them.  
"Well, my boy, that pokemon you had you heart set on for a starter, Eevee, it turns out that the League will allow you to use Eevee as your first pokemon."  
John chuckled, "Well I guess it pays to have relatives in the business."  
  
It had been a day since John had set out, and it had gone very well, he had caught an Ekans and a Pidgey and had both of them trained rather well.   
He was following a river. John had let his Charmander out of his pokeball and it was happily walking along with him.  
They came to a bend in the river and there was a sunny beach.  
"Well, this looks like a good resting place, doesn't it Charmander?"  
"CharCHAR!" replied the tiny dragon.  
"Then its settled," he said as he took out a sandwich and some pokechow, "Everyone come on out!" With these words two flashes of light reveiled a bird and a snake pokemon.  
They all started eating happily until Pidgey, with its hawk like vision saw something moving in the water, "Karooo, KAROOO!"  
"What is it Pidgey,"  
But before the bird could answer a jet of water hit it off John's shoulder knocking it to the ground. He turned just in time to see another blast of water hit him in the face.  
Wiping the water from his face, he pulled out his pokedex and pointed it at the strange looking fish in the water.  
In its monotone voice it said, "Remoraid, the water-sniper pokemon, it can accuratly attack pokemon up to one-hundred yards away with its water gun attack."  
"Sounds like a great pokemon to have, I gonna catch it! Go Ekans!"  
"Ekaannnnssss!" yelled the snake pokemon as it jumped into the water. Using its entire body like a crocadile uses its table it quickly caught up to the fish.  
"Ekans! Use your Wrap attack to haul it onto shore!"  
Complying with the orders it wrapped its body around the fish and squirmed towards shore. After it successfully got it onto shore it uncoiled its self and curled up to be ready for the next attack.  
"Okay, Ekans, finish it with a bite attack!"  
"Ekaannnnssss! It yelled as it grabed the fish and bit down.  
"Remorrr...." cried the sniper pokemon before it fainted.  
"Pokeball, GO!" the red an white ball flew towards the fish and in a red flash of light the Remoraid was in the ball. It giggled once, twice then it beeped and the red light went grey.  
"Yeah, I caught a Remoraid!"   
  
Later that day John was already in Viridian City Pokemon Center. All his pokemon had been healed by Nurse Joy and he was in the process of gulping down his deli fresh Sandwich and a soda.  
Ash was there, he had gotten there last night and his pikachu was still recuperating from being attacked by a flock of Spearows in a rainstorm. Ash and John were in the same class in school but they had never really been friends.  
"...You must be soaring like Spearow, honey," said his mom over the vidphone.  
"More like a fallen Pidgey," he said dejectadly.  
"Oh nonsense, It took your father three days to get to Viridian City."  
John went back to his sandwich and leave Ash alone, he looked like he was about to give up when a red head with a charred and ruined bike stomped through the door.  
Throwing down the bike she yelled, "YOU! You idiot, you ruined my bike, do you know how much this thing cost!?!" She looked as though she could rip his skin off and eat it with his heart, lungs and other internal organs.  
He decided against intervening, it wasn't that he didn't care, he just had an aversion to bodily injury.  
"Your going to pay for every penny of this bike or so help me I'll kick you from here to Lavender Town!"  
"Well, uh," Ash said meekly, " I don't have any money, but when I become a famous Pokemon master I'll send you a check!" he said as if he thought it would appease her.  
At this point she got very red and was approaching Ash rather aggresivly. John decided that if he didn't interfer, then Ash may have to finish his journey from a wheel chair.  
"Hey, how is beating the snot out of Ash here gonna get you the money for a bike?"  
She turned on him like a wounded Rydon.  
"THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" she shouted as she threw the charred wreckage of the bike at him. He expected this and ducked the chunk of metal that was thrown at his head.  
Making a 'get out of here while I distract her' face at Ash he turned back to his "foe."  
"You know, violence is the last refuge of the incompetent," he said almost mockingly and her face became redder if at all possable.   
She balled her fist and was walking at him threateningly.   
"You have alot of nerve calling Misty Waterflower, imcompetant," she pulled back her arm for a punch and John braced himself for the hit but before it came afeminine voiced sounded from the door.  
"Prepare for Trouble."  
"Make it Double," said a masculane voice.  
John opened his eyes and found Misty's fist not more than three inches from his face, then noticed to man and women standing next to a hole that had been drilled in the ceiling. The man has his blue hair combed down his while the women had obviously used enough Hairspray to eat off the ozone layer many times over for her pink hair, it was sticking out in what could only be called an uber-cowlick.  
John could also see that Misty was purplexed too.  
"To protect the world from devastation," said the woman.   
"To unite all peoples within our nation," said the man.  
"To defeat the evils of truth and love."  
"To extend our reach to the stars above."  
"Jesse!"  
"James!"  
"Team Rocket Blast of at the speed of light.  
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight."  
At this point a Meowth dropped from the hole in the ceiling.   
"Meowth! That's Right."  
"We're here for your pokemon, so give 'em up before we send have to send you home crying to your mommies."  
"Your not gettign my pokemon without a fight," John said pulling out his Charmander's pokeball, "Charmander! Fry them!"  
"Charmander, CharChar" yelled the pokemon.  
"Koffing, sludge attack!"  
A ball of brownish-purple sludge hit charmander in the face, getting into its eyes and blinding it.  
"Charrr!"  
"No! Charmander! Misty go get Ash."  
"Who?"  
"The kid you were about to kill earlier. Now go, i'll hold them off!"  
"Right!" she said as she nodded her head.  
John's tactical brain had kicked in by now.  
Remoraid could hold them off for a while, but with uot water it would just be a sitting duck. Then he happened to look out the window. Out in the court yard there was abig fountain. Perfect, he thought, Now I've just got to get past the window, but i know just how to do it!   
"Ekans, Go! Use your poison sting to weaken the glass!"  
With this command thousands of needle sharp projectiles hit the glass, making several hundred holes in it.  
"Now Pidgey, uses your gust to shatter it!"  
"KYOOKYOOKYOOKYOO!" it yelled as it beat its wings and created a gust of wind that shattered the window.  
"Okay remoraid, snipe at Team Rocket from the fountain."  
With a flash or red, the fish appeared in the fountain, and instantly took aim and fire a dead on shot of water that threw James in the wall. Two more took out Jesse and the Koffing.  
"Good Job Remoraid!"  
At this moment, Ash, Misty and Pikachu returned, along with about twenty Pikachu from the center's generater.  
The rest of the battle was already decided at that moment, Ash ingeniously linked up his Pikachu to the bikes head like genterator and started peddling, increasing Pikachu's Electric energy and blasting Team Rocket's Koffing into and explosion along with blowing up most of the center.  
  
They now were walking along route two towards Viridian Forest.  
"Well, Ash, I know you, but who's the girl?" and quietly he added, and did you have the good sense to get her number?"  
"I'm Misty Waterflower, Water Pokemon Extrodinaire!"  
"Really, I'm John Cochrane, uh, Pokemon-in-General Extrodinair."  
"And I'm Ash Ketchum, soon to be Pokemon Master!"  
Suddenly Something in the bushes moved.  
"Hey whats that?" Ash inquired rushing other it.  
Soon after this a small, green catapillar like pokemon emrerged from the bushes.  
"ACK! A Bug! Get it away from me," she said jumping behind John and Ash.  
"Oh, I don't think this little guy is gonna hurt us, are you little guy?" Ash said to the Caterpie.   
In responce though the caterpie coated his face with white, gooey substance.  
Quickly rubbing it off his face he declared, "I'm gonna catch it!"   
  
  
The End For Now  
  
  
Well, I think that did rather well for a second fic, I'm not going to hit on Misty, God knows I don't want the AAML's after me. Feel free to MST it with all your might!  
  
  
  



End file.
